In the bluest breath
of want
we are
ghosts haunting
our own lives
possessed by the mutable
shadows of cinema.
In the bluest breath
of want
we are
ghosts haunting
our own lives
possessed by the mutable
shadows of cinema.
In the bluest breath of want,
pooling to unseemly levels,
making beggars of desire’s
taste for excess,
we run on
and on,
riveted to freight
and laboring conundrum.
In the longaching cinema of memory,
the gauzy calling and want of ghosts,
exponentially the veiled sum
of fading and pulse.
She, as in ghosts, as in white-hot incubi with a seductive glassy not there stare, it bewitches and allures, bears melancholy freighted with scraped knees and mirror shards. There is a lucid unblinking poise, calculated reserve composed of crystal and quartz, she is not quite there, many moons removed, where is she exactly, she seems to be locked in a liminal state, between here and not there, seems to be modeling departure in a frieze, subtext becomes her in long prevailing silences, an aria fugitive and disembodied, the frigid etiquette of melancholy, beneath it all, there is a bubbling well of emotion, you can sometimes feel it in the lava-eyed flickering firing over her eyes with glaze, she doesn’t just look through you, she removes and excavates parts of me, she clinically harpoons and scoops out aspects of your interior, like chunks of grapefruit speared by a serrated spoon, this is what happens when she looks through you … she moves through, and rearranges you in the process. It is clean-seeming and silent. She doesn’t just look through me, it is as if her look makes freight and casualty of me and takes me back, way way back, to additional histories, small hours and hidden worlds unheard of, wounded throbbing seasons, she plants ghosts in me, as one would a series of revelations, and punctuated by chill they grow into echoes and wants. I would, with this look staying inside me to look me over and smolder, become bride to a lasting haunt, wedding bells on a distant shore laced with waves crashing. It was a disaster, and flirting with disaster, and skirting disaster all in one. I was in love.
She, as in ghosts,
the seductive glassy not-there
stare
making you long for what has passed,
or is passing—
Séance,
persuasive in its call
and touch,
a cheat code flirting with disaster,
or remnants haunting thereafter.
In the manic solitude of invention
and bloom,
I shutter to think,
therefore I scam,
hustling room
for one’s own company
to keep you, casting,
in fuckable thrall.
Here,
papering over hovel origins
of wounds and silence
with words riveting on and on
and on,
dirty frayed bandages
panting staccato and weary in the wind,
yet never losing voice,
nor the canopied capacity for mime
in the manic solitude of invention.
Clouds,
fleecy in glaring mass–
softly, softly,
the words avail themselves
to silence in passing.
I could not stare into anyone’s eyes too long. It was like staring openly at the sun. The light was too much to bear. Not to mention, within the stunning field of light projected from eyes were congealed specks and motes of shame, melancholy, longing … so much more. The eyes were ports for so much more. The eyes also bear a strong form of jazz. The notes and rhythms interweave and flood my eyes looking. My eyes looking at other eyes looking at me: a dizzying and disorienting foreplay. Foreplay not as precursor to sex but rather the intimacies of childhood’s inheritance revealed in eyelock. In eyelock we meet and look away even when still looking at. We look away within. Then the eyes follow suit. Sometimes they don’t and you go deeper and foreplay leads to frictive rubbing of tenderest wounds. The eyes beacon aspects of self—hidden, remote, sublime—high-wattage, and it goes into me, a sudden jolt and subtext, and I slip 20,000 leagues under sea change and moveable dark. Once I sink, I want to keep sinking, I want to stay there. I savor the absolute dark and silence as siblings holding me, cradling me, I go aaahh quietly, I sigh and glow softly. The eyes, in their staggering catalog and source material surplus, are a lot to digest.
The author in me
died a lonely
long-time-ago death.
He was too singular
to adapt and stay alive
in this new-moving world
of word-species
and endangered text.