Old folks bend over backwards
to become curious children again
breathing in the sepia fragrance of roses
long since dead
and revived nightly
to bless time’s testing
of reaping to sow.
Old folks bend over backwards
to become curious children again
breathing in the sepia fragrance of roses
long since dead
and revived nightly
to bless time’s testing
of reaping to sow.
Memories engage cosplay in the dark, in darkened rooms.
Who are all these strangers? Where did they come from? Why do they feel so familiar? The guests are all ghosts, cosplay specters, and they mingled with you in such an agreeable manner that you are gently coerced into a realm of further ghosts. This is where things gets interesting. This is where everything breaks apart.
With every level penetrated, with every node of descent, you have to rid yourself of former notions. Shedding and revision are essential components in the equation. When the ceremony of cosplay in the dark moves you from ghosts, to further ghosts, one thing that becomes lucidly clear—there is no singularity, no singular identity. Dissolution becomes us in destroying the notion of us. What you thought of as your uncle or grandmother, what you imagined to be the ghost of your dead lover, is only a portrait hosted on the first level. As first level. Further ghosts means more of the ceaseless nameless immaterial and less of strict and maximal identity. Your dead lover, for example, when it comes to further ghosts, is, you could say, an assembly of blue bubbles connected to other blue bubbles, the flirtations and orgy of symbiosis. These are blue bubbles which align to the cause of serial bandwidth, mutable multiform theaters, if you will, that clarify forms and faces mired in general recognition. When we recede from life-as-we-know-it, or advance beyond it, depending on your perspective and semantic outlook, there is the imprint and echo of what we call first ghost, that which belongs to specific storyline and narrative, that which bears an individual history. That is the operating principle of first ghost. Once you move beyond first ghost into further ghosts (there is no second ghost because first ghost is an illusion, a fable, which dissolves as soon as you move beyond first ghost—we go from first to many). Does this mean that your uncle was not your uncle? Your mother not your mother? No, it doesn’t mean that. It means that a significant mask and existential wardrobe of identity was connected to your storyline, your narrative, your karmic genealogy—your uncle was your uncle, your mother was your mother, same as your uncle was not your uncle, your mother was not your mother, same as your uncle is your uncle, is not your uncle, what is uncle, uncle is fiction, uncle is fact, uncle is blood, uncle is blank, uncle is one slant and potential view in the jazzy fusion of blue bubbles getting busy. How to get to this realm of further ghosts? One way is to realize that your memories are playthings, plastic and elastic, they are lumps of unmarked clay through which you can mold according to intent and desire. How you create, what you make, may function as avatars modeling keys which unlock implausible doors opening into the realm of further ghosts. It is like having a séance for a séance, watching a film about a film, like taking a flight of stairs all the way down to a flight of birds.
Memories keep us in a state of cinematic dismemberment.
Spliced ribbons of footage on the cutting room floor. Identity sliced and diced and chopped. Fractures and fragments become us in motivating assembly. We are always puzzling together aspects of self in dimly lit corridors, in recessed nooks. Chambers fated as operating theaters for our repurposing. We want, we desperately want angels to paralyze our origins, to wrap and mummify us in white muslin, and burn cleanly through our posture and assembly, our staged falsehoods, with celestial laser rays that leave us in hallowed scraps.
Memory as a course charted, as grooves engraved into void through perennial retreading.
Have I been here before can be replaced by have I been here again?
It is part of the unflagging tease and conundrum of endless.
Ask yourself—have I been here again? how many times? why do I keep coming back? was I the same person? in Memory’s limitless wardrobe of existential drag, what did I wear and who did I become?
To be lost is to be found wanting. Some choose lost as an outlet. Or alternative grieving process. Some choose lost as sense of subterfuge and misdirection. Some choose lost so as to give their weary wanderer relevant use for compass and moonlight. Some have lost thrust upon them.
The footprints you are tracking in the void may be your own.
A digital edition of Morphic Trespass has just been released (joining the vinyl and CD versions).
For those interested in purchasing: https://losttelegrampress.ca/product/morphic-trespass-digital-download

A collaboration between John Biscello (spoken word) and Ben Wright (stand-up bass). The album features sixteen tracks, ranging in style and tone from apocalyptic bop to vision-grooved vaudeville to street lyrical to psycho-erotic swing. It is spiritual and psychic kin to the likes of Dylan Thomas, Patti Smith, Lord Buckley, Jack Kerouac, Lenny Bruce, and others.
Memory as cosplay in a dark room.
Others cosplay with you, perpetuating a game and masquerade, rituals membered, by which we find ourselves assuming patterns and assimilating forms.
Alone, again alone, and at once alone, where others, and their penchant for masquerade, their desire for escape, keeps you favored company. Immaterial though they may be, they are vivid, glaring in their absence, chock full of resonance, and registering a quality which can be coined pleasingly poetic.
They laugh soundlessly, a nod to silent film, their mouths convey whorish monsters, eyes hotly baked with desire—it is that unspeakable passion coupled with hungry ghost that keeps you returning to the dark room. The dark room is a disaster with grace in tow. Or grace with disaster lingering ominously. The dark room is a best seller that no one reads. The dark room is grief and grief’s theriomorph. The dark room is interstellar. The dark room is somebody’s romantic notion of a grail. The dark room is an open wound through which many seasons can pass. The dark room is cherry cough syrup and TV when you are a sick and needy child. The dark room is a church of no origins, no religious affiliations, a womb-like hovel and shrine. The dark room is the honeymoon suite where one and one, new and new, tangle in nuptial fever and conjugate full-body music. In other words, or in these words masquerading as others: Memory is cosplay with limitless variations.
Does time-resin sting our eyes? Does desolation call forth our most solitary angels? Our loneliest most homesick angels? Desolation allows one to become a vagrant, rooted in blessed nobody, divergently attuned to an original script. The wind writes in the air all the time, but no one deciphers the handwriting.
Nostalgia is a death-trap, eating its own tail and leading nowhere. Now and again and again now never is nostalgia’s recipe and calling card. Nostalgia is the last picture show revived endlessly, a cinematic séance in rose-light and sepia. You whisper to nostalgia as you would a shy and tender lover concealed in a shadowy niche.
I walked to the train station at night. I was going to drive. It was a hot day. I had already been walking out in the sun, and I thought—just drive to the train station. But when it was time to go I decided to hoof it. I knew that I would regret driving there, and not feeling my feet on the earth, not being connected to the streets, not absorbing at a pedestrian’s pace. The pedestrian’s’ pace was equivalent to writing longhand. Walking was the longhand of transportation.
It took me about a half hour to get there. At the station, only a gray-haired man with a guitar, sitting on a bench outside the visitor’s center. The man was softly strumming his guitar, gently plucking bluesy notes, almost as if he were shyly practicing his playing where there was no intended audience. Either that, or he had a lover’s fingers, making sure his touches registered subtly and tenderly, delicate hints preferred to bold statements. The man left after about fifteen minutes.
Now the station was empty. Just me and the legacy of the tracks. Railroad America, and its industrial modeling of eternity, its abbreviated span of endlessness. I called to mind my friend Bear, a road dog through and through—weary, hopeful, forlorn, incorrigibly romantic. Bear was now settled in Memphis, tending to his garden and watching his grandchildren grow up.
I found an iron stake. I put it into my backpack. It seemed like the perfect thing to drive through a vampire’s heart. I hadn’t come across any vampires yet, but still … you’ve got to trust in the things you find along the way.