Jizo and the Lost Children

They were everywhere in the woods. Clustered in hidden batches, concealed, unseen or barely peeking out from foliage or grass, the verdant estate of jizos, some whose faces had been worn away by the elements, others with shadows and hints and suggestions of mostly vanished features, bald pates banded together describing domes in the open air, bodies half-buried in earth, stone footstools, small time-scarred guardians, a hidden population of jizos that hailed in varying shapes and sizes, some naked, some garbed in ceremonial red cloaks and bonnets, some with flattened satellite dishes for ears, some earless, groups lined up in rows, smallest to largest, an assembly of symmetry, adjacent to moss-infested headstones. This was the shrine in a remote region of woods where people prayed to jizo to heal their sick children. And for those whose children were healed, the parents or family would return with a jizo statue to add to the ever-expanding colony of jizos. A clasp-handed Buddha with closed eyes and a serene countenance presided at the entrance, right before you climbed the grass-carpeted stone steps preceding the shrine. There were also toys. Stuffed animals. Pinwheels. A dark satin rabbit lying prostrate at the feet of a band of jizos. The rabbit had flopped forward, face hidden, tips of his ears grazing the earth. Was the rabbit placed in this position of piety? Or had he bowed down of his own volition? Was this rabbit endlessly supplicating for mercy for all the lost children?

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Cause of Light

She stood at a distance, imagining her daughter there, playing. She saw how her daughter lit up with glee when she was near the sea, or scampering along the shoreline, collecting shells, poking holes in the mud with a stick, or simply ambling along ensconced in the mercury of being. What is the difference between memory and fiction? She watched and listened, as a mother would watch and listen. The sea splashed forth, retreated, splashed forth, retreated. The rhythm was soothing, unmistakable, dependable. This was the sea of her past, her childhood. Her daughter had never been to the sea, had never played in the sand, as she was playing now, a fugue and ghostly footage in her mother’s time-hunted eyes. She went to the rocks and sat down, staring out from behind dark sunglasses. She remembered days and nights on the beach with her girlfriends. They were young once. I was young once. Now, I am older and my daughter moves lyrically along the shoreline, glee-infected. What is the difference between memory and fiction? Ephemera becomes us, and we it, whether we like it or not. Some ephemera, geared on a fast-track, takes away what we never had, what could have been, gusts invading a sandy beach. The sea, a smooth slate-gray mirror, briefly, then the mounting of ripples disturbing the smoothness, and in its place, a grammarless script. What is the difference between memory and fiction? She looked out at her daughter, a hundred or so feet measured in years, no time at all, her daughter wandering elliptically along the lacy edge of the sea, rhythm unbroken. Behind her daughter’s footsteps, she saw flashing traces of color, the remnants of fractured rainbow in harmonic motion, following the cause of light.

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A.I.

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End of Days

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©

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Ghost Story

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Titanic

A voyage into the time-haunted unknown, a love story casting two alone as wreckmates aboard a sinking ship in a salacious sea of bop consciousness.

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Lyric Alone

Mind over matter, and mind over matter dreaming, and this the lyrical alone, the magnificent hovel and shrine, what it means the lyrical alone sounding sublime, and solitude alone the shrine and hovel, o magnificent bastards of ghostlight, the tenderest sublime, from here I back-look deeper within, the middle dream side reel, to a past I’ve never really had, in a kind of movie passing I see myself, or what passes for my life floating to and fro in fragments.

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Melodrama

Let’s start with this photo, the comic melodrama in which you, perfectly staged, are wearing a blue pinafore dress, your dark hair gagged in pigtails, mouth heavily lipsticked, cheeks cherubically rouged, your eyes two burning ovals of abyss-pooling licorice, sweat in silvery beads rolling down your short skirted legs, collecting in the dimples of your knee-blades, your hands a pair of static birds tied down, mouth bound, and hovering above you the flashback villain of old, caped in a black shawl, top hat tilted considerably, an oil-slicked handlebar mustache, the villain greedily rubbing his sweat-greased palms together, his entire existence a rapacious glisten, and his primary ambition in life has been reduced to singular malice, to see you run over by the locomotive that will come thundering down the tracks any minute now, any minute … once this happens, he will, he believes, retire from the annals of villainy and adopt a well-respected position that ensconces him into the creased folds of society, society as he sees it, an origami lawn neatly ordered, and here comes the train now, you scream as loud as you can (yet your voice has bene rendered dead and screamless by the silent film predicament you find yourself in), and screamless you are run over by the train, THE END flashes in block letters on the back curtain of my closed eyes, my longing eyes, I wish I could mourn this death for a longer time, but this is only the first with many more to come.

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Cinema

If cinema is a tomb, then let us die watching. The angel over my shoulder is hunched, dark, morphing. None of us ever leave behind the dark of the theater. We are here, always. Sanctuary, haven, enclave, respite, sitting tight and homey with reels of flickering filmreel to keep us company, we remain here, happy slaves and obedient imps to the dance between light and shadow. We don’t care what films are pimped out to us. Every genre becomes our appetite. Cinemanesthasized. That is us, what we have become. A bewitching trance in which we fondle and romance our kept wrecks and deepest secret selves.

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