At the Bottom of Childhood’s Well

well
   It is a magic time, it is a deadly time.
   We are fresh and newly forming, we excel in discoveries, delight in newness.
   Our souls are malleable, there is fluidity and grace oozing from us, and with ease and naturalness.
   And yet the horrors. That is, the terrors. Elements that drive our souls out of our bodies, noises, explosions, and other psyche-shattering x-factors.
   These elements, which sometimes come from certain conditions and circumstances, from the tangled and barbed roots of family (which can also become wormholes), our souls recoil and we begin to develop the complex system of neuroses that will stunt, paralyze, and malign us. Aberrations that make us gag, defects that derail spontaneity. When we go from ourselves, where do we go?
   At the bottom of us-made wells, we send our screams, at the bottom of these wells a concert of screams, that no one hears, that no one ever heard.
   The bottom of the well becomes glutted with unheard screams.
   They are the flying scissors that cut through bits of soul.
   They cut, they fly, they slash, and yet they are necessary in reminding us that we must let ourselves be heard, we must not bury ourselves in malignant silence, soul-killing silence (there is good silence, there is golden silence) and how many voices met premature deaths at the bottom of childhood’s well?
   We dug and we dug into the earth, out of necessity, we carved out the hole in which we created the well (if we were going to bury our screams then we would add water, a life-giver to counter-balance the death-dealing), we carved and carved our own wells, because we needed hiding places, because we were scared and had become mutes, but inside we were far from mutes, we had many many visions raging and splintering and bright, a cathedral of voices, and so the well became a hiding-place and a treasury, a vault of cries we had yet to make, voices we had yet to speak.
   How many children were murdered and thrown into wells?
   How many ghosts have emerged and continue to emerge from wells?
   If we tune in to the voices of these ghosts, is it not our responsibility to share their stories, to sing the unsung, and to give voice to the voiceless?
   At the bottom of childhood’s well, there is much to be found, much to be heard.
   All are calling out for spirit, all are calling out for soul-play, unimpeded by fear-built blocks.
Posted in Prose | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Some Kind of Summer

18th

   J.B., I have to kill someone by the end of summer.
   Joe Ninj stated this casually, as if it were a school assignment or project with a deadline.
   Five minutes earlier we had been integrated into our pack of friends—four other guys, five girls—drinking beer and trooping around our neighborhood, what we did just about every night during summer. Suddenly Joe had clutched my arm and said, conspiratorially—Drop back, J.B., there’s something I gotta tell you.
Continue reading
Posted in Prose, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Glow

The coke parties were my favorite. It was when everyone was happiest. Everyone meant my father, my mother, and their friends, Teddy and Debby. Occasionally, Debby’s brother, Wayne,  was part of everyone.
My mother would say—Teddy and Debby are coming over—and I knew that meant a coke party and I got excited.
The coke turned them into children again. Or a peculiar breed of children with waxy glowing faces and eyes full of fire. Not dragon-fire or hell-fire. The fire of all-night magic.
Continue reading
Posted in Prose | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bedsores

flophouse

In the permanent flophouse
Love reigns supreme—
A tried and torn migrant
ready to drop
from chronic fatigue.
Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dirty Dancing in the Dark

walker
   Brooklyn, the Walker Theater, 1987.
   I am twelve and precariously balancing on the shoulders of Fat Brian.
   Come on, you’re not getting any lighter, Fat Brian shouts.
   I reach up and lock my fingers around the bottom rung of the fire escape ladder, then hoist myself up.  I scale the ladder until I reach the landing and there I wait for the others to join me.  The others are Jay and Petey and Danny.  They all climb aboard Fat Brian’s shoulders and scale the ladder to the landing.  Since none of our shoulders are broad and sturdy enough to hold up Fat Brian, he is always the shoulder-man.  Me and Jay and Danny and Petey will sneak through the unlocked side-door leading into the second-floor theater.  We chip in so Fat Brian can buy a ticket from the box office and meet us in the theater.
   We never know what film will be playing in the second floor theater, and we always pray that it isn’t a love story or a movie with a lot of talking.  What we want is blood and violence and action.  Or to have the shit scared out of us.  Yet no matter what film is playing, we’ll stay and watch it.
   We’d rather watch a movie, any movie, then not watch a movie.  We’d rather be in the dark, even if it meant being in the dark with sappy characters that kissed and spoke cheesy lines that upset our stomachs, then to not be in the dark.
   We take our seats in the theater, and five minutes later Fat Brian joins us, holding a large popcorn and large Coke.
   The movie playing is Dirty Dancing.  We bitch and we moan about it, but we watch the film the whole way through.  Afterwards, we briefly talk about the film, wondering if girls would like us more or like us less if we could dance like Patrick Swayze.
Posted in Prose | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Meaning of the Mob

The Meaning of the Mob.  I say, the Mob, meaning the Definitely Uncertain, Fixed—a liberal form of physics—
or the clotted swarm wallforming brick by brick, a mosaic pattern.      Pick a number, any number, it’s a given.
A given what, you say, a given that, heads together, mindless, will make of a stone’s throw a hard cold pledge—Indivisible, in Mob We Trust.

Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Haunt

Fear,
how specters arrive
on stilts, in the shadow
of their presence, you,
diminished, crawl
toward s solitary haunt.
Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Harbor

I, on the verge of speaking,
when the old woman laid
her finger on my lips, and said—
Give,
and expect nothing in return,
and even less than nothing.
It is your only chance
of getting off this island.
Then, removing my lips,
she flew away,
a green flash of wind,
and I, bating silence,
began gathering words
at the edge
of a harbor pooling
risk.
Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Torch Song

stars
The aureate secrets of silence, stuff stars are made from,
and us, cocooned in gauzy slumbers,
wink and blink and nod
till well-scored we become
cinders in a torch song,
long-since faded.
Posted in Artwork, Poetry, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Frame-Up

sudek winter
(Written in response to Josef Sudek’s “Winter at the Window of my Atelier”)
 Winter
frame-up of god’s
run-on fingerprints,
evidence of
weary sorrow,
mounting,
unfinished.
Posted in Artwork, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment